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Thursday, May 22, 2008

try follow this stream of consciousness:


i love you not no i dont i dont i really dont why is it that when i think of you i feel this emptiness this nothingness like there is no meaning to it sometimes i ask myself why or what am i holding onto why not just leave i cant i cant i cannot bring myself to not that i cant be alone but id rather you leave than i do i dont wanna hurt id rather be hurt in the first place i dont understand why youre still here you shouldnt be because we know we cant be who are we trying to kid we are not right for each other stop lying stop lying i feel things that im not supposed to feel ive betrayed you i have i just dont know how to tell you the moment i turn my back on you and i have already long ago just that you thought that we could try i tried i tried i really did but i still got nothing and yes i did have something back then but now i hardly feel the same like it didnt exist like the chapter has already ended just that we are at different pages i dont want you to hate me because i know that you will eventually you dont belong to me neither i to you why are we doing this why why why you know that youll never take over her and she will never be gone she will always be in my life i think of her at least once everyday even at times where i thought that she would be gone for good she sprung out of nowhere just like in class today the teacher actually chose to use her name out of so many names she is everywhere i cant run away i have to stop i have to accept it and where are you i dont see you i dont sense you yes i do when i look at other girls and think see i would date her and feel guilty about it thereafter this would never have happened in the past is this natural or is it that ive changed to become more and more like a lesbian like those lesbians i think about someone else she is the kind that id like youre not i dont see you as anyone around me it breaks me it breaks me

.shan. [10:17 PM]









++ || Shan || ++

WARNING
This is a doodle spot.
What you read may hold
certain amount of truth,
OR not at all. Digest
this at your own risk.

## in-sight of me ##
?compassionate
?meticulous
?herbivore
?non-conformist
?neat freak
?ambidextrous
?random
?introvert