Friday, March 31, 2006
i don't know y i feel so hollow now. isn't that what i wanted? i dunno if u've read my email though. did i really said that i was leaving for sure? i can't be sure.. but that's what i really wanted to tell u. i juz hope u get e right msg. ain't i suppose to feel happy that i finally tasted your blood on my sword? perhaps i won e battle but lost the war. y am i grieving for a part of me that shld have been lost? were u ever part of me?
i stared down at my hands;
stained w ur blood.
before i realised,
my tears were washing them away.
my concrete heart shattered.
i knelt over your body
n pulled ur limp body into a tight embrace.
chokes of grievance escaped my throat
as i felt your body grew colder each second.
what shall i do now?
how should e story end?
i lived & breathed you.
now that your gone,
what purpose am i to live on for?
everybody dies.
i picked up e stained sword;
with my two hands,
i plunged it into me.
is this really what death feels like?
flashes of happy moments we shared.
i fell right onto you;
till the very last moment,
i adored your beautiful face.
this is the end of our story.
may we re-unite in paradise;
just the two of us.
.shan. [10:36 PM]
James Blunt – Goodbye My Lover
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and
I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit -
it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
.shan. [10:32 PM]
Thursday, March 30, 2006
against my mighty will i broke again.
so fragile.
not even e best army i thot i had could fight this.
picking up pieces of me was e best that i could do;
at least for now.
so that i still stand a chance of becoming whole again.
it's no point calling for help, isn't it?
who's gonna come? ur enemy?
i am dead but i breathe.
won't give up my last breathe till i have ur blood on my sword.
such vengeance could only b instigated by ur enemy;
ur beloved enemy.
it's sucha thin line that barely exists,
but it does.
i may have lost e 1st battle,
but i'll honour my promise to my return.
watch ur back
.shan. [11:15 PM]
u smell fire? it's nt e biggest yet. not at all. it's amazing how human minds can b conditioned under circumstances, how humans turn on each other. on e surface it may seem inexplicable n unimaginable. of cos, u'll nv really comprehend e situation or state of mind unless u r e one experiencing it.
yes u. it's all abt u isn't it? it only matters when it concerns u, ain't it? go, go on taking from others if others r whom u think u can lean on. dun scream when u fall then, dun even breathe a word of complain. cos that's wat happen when u dun return pple's kindness; no free lunch on this black & white world.
oh ya sure, everything's changing; more blends & possibilities. even God is putting a limit on it, there's only so much u can take & give. dun grumble so much, juz do e best u can w wat u have. that simple. use ur brain. at many times things r juz right in front of u but u fail to c it, then it's juz too bad. cry & bawl for all u want, but b sure u get up fast b4 u miss e nxt big thing. learn ur bloody mistake.
.shan. [11:01 PM]
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
wat am i to u?
who do u think u r to do this to me?
i'm nt ur puppet,
not anymore.
i'm cutting the strings
cos it's too straining on me.
i can't breathe
& it hurts.
screw u
i think u shld learn to count ur blessings
let me tell u,
u'll nv succeed in anything
cos ur nv committed in any.
no mind, nth done.
wanna remain ignorant?
wanna hide in ur little comfort zone?
can't hide frm anything, coward.
i hope u get whacked hard
learn it the hard way if u have to.
i'm juz gonna stand by & watch u drown.
u r unworthy
.shan. [2:08 AM]
Monday, March 20, 2006
yea i'm back at Aus, where i dread to be. but at least things r better this sem, made new frens, trying to pull my life together. those 2 songs were my all-time favourite songs, i love their piano version too. it juz makes me feel sth.. like the depth of such love which is much desired but seldom exists nw. oh well juz happen to hear it on yahoo music so reminded me of it..
oh well i haven't blogged for q.long, so kinda ran thru my history. hah i certainly sound depressed.. but then again, i'll only blog when i'm depressed. n i alr declared that dis is definitely not a daily journal much less a happy one. nt that i find fault in my daily life & pick on small little things to fuss over, but i can't help it if i'm really sensitive & observant towards every little things. sometimes i even find it tired to think, i wish that i could juz get lost in my own world.
anw she finally spoke the truth. i felt really reliefed even though that's nt wat i wanna hear but being honest w each other means a lot to me. suddenly i felt like i could breath (which i haven't in a long time), and she could finally face e problem like a mature adult. it's like a knot untied. the 1st few breathes may hurt, but i think it would get better. *fingers crossed* the verdict shall b passed a month frm now. do i still care abt it?
.shan. [11:46 PM]
Where Do I Begin?
Andy Williams – Where Do I Begin
where do i begin?
Where do i begin
To tell the story of how great a love can be
The sweet love story that is older than the sea
The simple truth about the love she brings to me
Where do i start
With her first hello
She gave new meaning to this empty world of mine
There'll never be another love, another time
She came into my life and made the living fine
She fills my heart
She fills my heart with very special things
With angels' songs,
with wild imaginings
She fills my soul with so much love
That everywhere i go
I’m never lonely
With you my love, who could be lonely
I reach for her hand-it's always there
How long does it last?
Can love be measured by the hours in a day
I have no answers now but this much i can say
I know i'll need her till the stars all burn away
And she'll be there
.shan. [11:43 PM]
Speak Softly Love
Andy Williams – Speak Softly Love
Speak softly love and hold me warm against your heart
I feel your words, the tender trembling moments start
We're in a world,
our very own
Sharing a love that only few have ever known
Wine-colored days warmed by the sun
Deep velvet nights when we are one
Speak softly love so no one hears us but the sky
The vows of love we make will live until we die
My life is yours and all because
You came into my world with love
so softly love
(instrumental interlude>
Wine-colored days warmed by the sun
Deep velvet nights when we are one
Speak softly, love so no one hears us but the sky
The vows of love we make will live until we die
My life is yours and all because
You came into my world with love
so softly love
.shan. [11:29 PM]
