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Monday, May 15, 2006

i feel like a mean bitch now. going back on my words is so totally not me, but when pple are xtremely nice to me (n i think they deserve to b treated juz as nicely in return) i feel obligated to be nice to them. And if u know me, i have a problem w being frank cos i dun wanna hurt pple and i know that nobody really like to hear things that aren't nice. oh well but it feels a lot better after saying how u really feel u know. and for me i'd rather hear e truth (although it fucking hurts sometimes) than lies cos when u know that what u have been believing in was all a lie, the world juz crashes and suddenly everything seems meaningless.
n u know i really have been thinking these days. i take failures very hard, each one of them is like a tattoo on me. they remind me of the hurt each time i look at myself in the reflection and i can't forget them no matter how hard i try to cos somehow they still get to me. like now when i think of my failure to get tkd black belt, i would get so angry at myself all over again for not doing well enough, for letting my injury get to me, for giving myself excuses to give up and so on. there is no end to blaming myself, but i realise that it gets me nowhere but misery. this might sound clichéd but what happened has alr happened, no point dwelling over it cos it doesn't change things. what u can do is carry ur lesson forward n nt make e same mistake. we constantly live our past bcos our experiences alter our behaviour and perception but it is painful to live w/o faith n hope. if we can choose to lead a happy life, y not? u can choose wat u want to take w u so y not juz tk e gd times? this sounds like utmost stupid but sometimes Man r such stupid creatures. sometimes the simplest solns r rite in front of u but u refuse to c it? oh well beter late than never..
dun look back in anger

.shan. [10:50 PM]









++ || Shan || ++

WARNING
This is a doodle spot.
What you read may hold
certain amount of truth,
OR not at all. Digest
this at your own risk.

## in-sight of me ##
?compassionate
?meticulous
?herbivore
?non-conformist
?neat freak
?ambidextrous
?random
?introvert