The Gendered Self.

every single human being long for the same things - to be loved and accepted for who he/she is.

it is a simple wish, but seldom granted. It's not easy having to pretend being someone else but yourself all the time. Sometimes you wear your mask for too long till you forget who you are underneath it, and that's when you lose it all. You may be labelled a deviant if you step out, but at least you know you have what others don't have; that is courage and a sense of self. Everyone is beautiful the way they are, not who they try to be.


leaning on the snack bar counter
I kick the white cardboard box at my feet
to make sure its still there
inside is a snappy $8 ski type jacket...
I'm going to take 10 mins to gloat over
being able to get my hands on
such a desirable dyke item
I'm going to wear it with satisfaction
fighting off my fears of
looking tough and ugly
enjoying my toughness
building on it nt denying it
and if necessary enjoying my ugliness
affirming that too...
will i look like a little boy now
or a little girl
or will i finally look like myself
in my particular combination of
the clothes i want
wonder if there's a way to look feminine
in this jacket after all.

Fran Winant (1976) describes her desparation to achieve a butch image that will be acceptable to her friends, yet w/o sacrificing her sense of herself as an attractive person.