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Friday, September 16, 2005

well, dun bloody fucking tell me u know how it feels like when ur juz an onlooker. ur nt e one going thru this so stop telling me to try harder assuming tt i put in no effort at all. hah. like i want things to turn out dis way. i'm human too; i've emotions too u know. i cry when i fall too, i need time to get on my feet. n how easy would it b to get on ur feet alone? y r u expecting so much frm me? i can't breathe, can't tk dis pressure. tell me tt u care for me when u juz threw me on a foreign land to fend for myself. ya, so wat if u paid everything for me & gave me material comfort. tt's nt wat i want or need ultimately 'cos at e end of e day u'll b so disappointed to know tt i actually hate u so much. who r u to decide wat's best for me? so wat if we're related but we can't exchange more than 10 sentences w/o disagreeing w each other? tell me wat's a family when u dun even know wat i like or wat r my habits. i dunno whether to b happy or sad when i found out tt my sisters actually gave me e most un-like me present & they have e cheek to tell me e postage is exp. i juz dunno wat to think.. utmost disappointment i feel. i dun understand y my frens dun mind e cost & they do when they can spend so much on their bf & scrimp on me?
fine.. let's juz nt talk abt present. let's talk abt quality family time. nobody wants to talk to me or has anything to tell me unless they need a channel out or they wanna get sthg else. do they have to do it so obviously & mk me feel so unwanted? silence is all u can give me. can u even show me wat is warmth tt i grew up w/o? all i know is tt i've to fend for myself all the time tt i've grown so detached frm everyone cos i din dare to trust since u betrayed my trust so many times. family is e basic unit of living, so if ur own family dun even keep their words, dun expect me to believe in anyone. dun promise me anything unless u mean it. show me some genuity, if there's any more left in dis world. i hate to hear "i'm sorry, i.." shudup! tell me tt u dunno how to express ur love.. then tell me how u expect me to know how to when u nv showed me how to? f**k u, juz leave if u want or let me go. if u think u r doing wat u think is best for me then i'm sorry ur wrong, tt's wat u want me to do. i'm nt ur doll for u to manipulate, u gave me life so let me live it.
.shan. [6:18 PM]









++ || Shan || ++

WARNING
This is a doodle spot.
What you read may hold
certain amount of truth,
OR not at all. Digest
this at your own risk.

## in-sight of me ##
?compassionate
?meticulous
?herbivore
?non-conformist
?neat freak
?ambidextrous
?random
?introvert