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Friday, September 09, 2005

man... i juz had e most outrageous conversation w a guy. it's my hsemate, he juz gave me e exclusive details of his sex life. omg.. e world is juz so unfair, how does he manage to get so many girls? shit u lucky guy.. & all e girls sounded SO HOT! well, of cos i'd wish to experience tt kinda life too, but it's juz a pity tt i get emotionally attached easily and maybe nt tt bold to initiate things. i mean.. is dis e adult world? all abt sex? so many players arnd.. so wat if u had girls & great sex and e nxt day everyone juz ends it w a 'bye'. i mean dun u feel empty inside? like.. it's juz so un-fixed.. dis world is crazy enough n even ur life is so.. ever-changing, dun u ever get tired? well, maybe sticking to one can get pretty boring smtimes but u know i'm talking abt real love where there's real concern & big sacrifices. yea it's tiring too, but at least u dun feel empty. at least u know u've sthg to fall back on when ur 'hit'(although smtimes u dun). i mean u can't b leading tt kind of wild sex life forever.. it's juz temporary pleasure. isn't there more to life than juz sex?
i've always had -ve thots abt sex, i juz felt tt it was sinful. smtimes i wished tt God nv invented 2 sex so tt there wouldn't b inequality, so that there wouldn't b rapes in this world. i know sex is pleasure but pple abuse it. i was brought up in what i would call a rather conservative kinda envt where i was taught tt sex comes after marriage & tt sex is sthg sacred shared betw a man & a women. well from what i c, nobody hardly practices it anymore. i do still believe tt sex is only to b done w someone u truly love, but maybe nt only after marriage. i nv thot tt i'd b committed in a relationship so deeply or any so soon. but nw tt i'm in one, i learnt a lot of things abt e society & also abt myself. sex is definitely part of a relationship, but only when u get to tt level where it comes with no fear or obligations & u r really sure abt each other. i dun think i can ever have sex w someone i juz met though i may imagine but.. it's juz nt possible unless i'm dead drunk or high on drugs which most prob i wouldn't b cos í always have to tk care of other pple. yea.. n it takes a lot for me to open up to someone. i'd love to explore e other (wild) side of e world cos i know it's fun in a way but i'm nt up for it cos i only have 1 person in my heart nw. & tt makes a whole lot different. i mean if i din meet her, i'd most prob b trying out nw.
well, e sucky thing nw is tt we're apart & i miss her SO MUCH. i'm so repressed nw tt i think when i go back, i'm gonna lose my head. yea but my stand is tt sex is still w someone i love, nt someone whom i juz met (although she may b hot & so) or someone i lust after. when i c my hsemate nw, so wat if he had so much fun? he's all alone nw.. n when he finally meets someone who's touched his heart, he's too reserved to do anything (nt to mention tt i think it's q.impossible for them to b together though). but ya.. i mean it's really different when it comes to someone u really love. man.. u may think tt i'm a silly cuckoo tt haven't seen much or juz blabbering like a lovesick puppy, but u juz wait & c.. sex is a whole lot more meaningful w e ONE.
.shan. [4:10 PM]









++ || Shan || ++

WARNING
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## in-sight of me ##
?compassionate
?meticulous
?herbivore
?non-conformist
?neat freak
?ambidextrous
?random
?introvert